Habitat of THE Munchkin

2002-10-10T11:36:00.000-04:00

Well today is Thursday...a little behind but not too much....this might be a boring entry so bear with me :) Eesh it's SO FREAKING COLD HERE!!!! Grrr...anyways, hmm...Wednesday...yesterday, ummm....english....got into an interesting debate over our Op-Ed reading on gun control....(Like the writer I'm not anti-gun per say...I'm pro-knife)....Anyways, yeah basically the class consisted of me and Jimmy arguing....but that's okay....it was fun anyways... :) Then theory...well we had to write evaluations of the class....so I decided to be honest...well forgive me for being "outspoken", she read mine aloud...and then talked to me after class about how I don't think she has control over the class (which I don't...) but yeah that was....interesting....but thank god for Craig's evaluation!! (I'll explain that later)...after that I did some work on my new essay and picked up my "Pain is beautiful" essay from Dr. Jacobs...met Matt, Heather, Amber, and some other people for lunch...eventually it turned into me, Zack, Matt, and Ben...but overall our lunch conversations were interesting....serial sniper, guns, religion, death, dying animals....hmmm....yeah slightly depressing....umm...then went back to the room to do some more work...ended up going back to the snack bar a few hours later with Mary where we met up with Craig, Zack, and Greg...so the conversation was continued a little more...came back to the room, got ready for teaching, and met Matt at Ruebush....Swim lessons went pretty well despite a horrible mix-up....eesh I don't even want to think about it....but yeah, Ashlin and Lindsey will definitely pass out of my class...and that's my third class...for first class....Savannah may...if she doesn't get scared and completes her bobs....Lissa will...second class....Abby, Abigail, Travis, and Angela are definitely through...fourth class...lord help me...well hopefully Allyson and Carla will pass...Heather needs some SERIOUS work....yeah I agree Katelyn, just drop her and see what happens :) Ha ha....Anyways, after that I came back and got showered, somewhat warmed up, and changed...headed down to Armstrong for some practicing before meeting Craig at 8:30...stopped by Food Lion to grab some cookie dough and got over to Matt's house around 9....had pizza, cookies, and watched Whose Line....best scene ever...."Things to do with a cat..." :) Ha ha...and yeah...I don't think Ernie likes Craig very much... :) But yeah...relatively early to sleep....but not the best night of sleep, huh? That's okay...I'll sleep today...woke up this morning....didn't have swimming! :) Went to theory....sightsang for half and hour...and then due to Craig's AMAZING evaluation she let about a third of the class go...yeah, the ones who actually know what the hell is going on in class :) So...Craig and I started up to the snack bar...met up with Matt in front of Armstrong....and after awhile ended up at breakfast at the snack bar....and now I'm just here writing...

But yeah...it's like what? 11:30...this is depressing...I saw Matt around 10:55 and now I won't see him until like 9-10ish tonight...and I already miss him....fall break is going to be interesting....hopefully I'll be busy enough to think of other things...unlike how it went at VCU....(and of course, this is all your fault!) :) Speaking of fall break....yay....what and who I get to see!! Oceanfront...GSA....Starbucks...Amber...Cristina...Steve...Matt...Susan....7-11 with Justin...Applebee's...BYSO....local punk shows! (Long live NTS and STC)...VBSO....Surfing...Church...PA people!!...I can't wait!!! :) It'll definitely be fun....wow...I can't believe we're halfway through the first semester!!! Doesn't seem that long at all...although the last three weeks have pretty much flown by for me... ;) And yes, to say it one more time, I'm REALLY going to miss you, Matt!! (even if you don't believe me) :) I just hope it is warmer in VA Beach than it is here...I've definitely got some shopping to do when I get home!!

Well I'm truly exhausted so I'm going to get to sleep now...I will talk to you later!! Always and forever!
~Jess

2002-10-08T18:45:00.000-04:00

Well again...I'm three days behind...so I'll take a quick time before harp ensemble to update....well Sunday was good...slept in to almost 11! (Yay for sleep!)....Woke up, showered, had coffee and toast....and hmmm...what did we do...oh that's right...stopped by the room to grab some stuff....went to the mall briefly and Taco Bell....then came back to Matt's house....we eventually ended up going to Skyline Drive for the afternoon...that was amazing...it's so serene and peaceful...not to mention scenic...it might have been nicer to see some deer...but that's okay...it was worth it no matter what...then later...ordered Pizza Hut pizza and relaxed....(ahem prepared for school to start again...)

Monday....eesh...okay day...slow start...got my english essay back...another A :) So that was a good start...went to ICK theory and survived another class...umm...breakfast....laundry (thanks for carrying it!!)...lunch briefly....then piano lesson...gotta love the Chopin!! And swimming lessons....I'm telling you...I'm in love with some of these little kids!! And finally, NO ORCHESTRA! (Yay...)....ummm...Wal-Mart (ick...heard the worst come-on ever...), koto practice, dinner, and Whose Line :) Always good times...

Today....another decent day....swimming....(wake up Craig!) :) ha ha....wow...our midterm was so......easy. Umm...theory...finally got over my sight-singing grade....yay.... :) Umm...there's a really weird fire smell in our dorm right now...hmmm....anyways, quick impromptu breakfast at Dunkin Donuts....more laundry....percussion lesson (yay for the A)....shower (finally) and dinner with Matt....now I'm off to harp ensemble and then dessert/snack with Craig...write more later!
Love always!

2002-10-05T23:01:00.000-04:00

Well, once again it's been awhile....so I'll try to catch you up....(if there's someone out there who's actually using this to track my life) ;) Anyways Thursday...hmm...swimming class bright and early....waking up was a bitch. And then Craig decided not to come with us!! :) But anyways, we got there and didn't do much...swam like 5 laps and then did different drills mostly. Treading water with a brick...then with a ball...and then the most interesting part of the class...getting slammed in the face by a volleyball (thank you Matt...) ;) Just kidding...actually it didn't hurt that much....just gave me one hell of a headache later. But it got me out of sightsinging for a grade so it's all good :) Then...trying to remember....breakfast with Matt after Theory....Craig had already eaten....umm....nap....LONG nap....then orchestra...sight-read the Wagner and it didn't go so badly :) Thank god....the piece of music is amazing though....I was definitely impressed...then again it's Wagner...so that's what I should expect...still remember "Overture to Rienzi" last year...eesh that percussion part....ha ha...then after that was harp ensemble for two hours....we did pretty well....I think our recital should sound good...if only I can get the Pierne "Impromptu-Caprice" under control before then...then...Matt picked me up and I stayed over there....

Friday....ack...slept through english again...eesh I've gotta stop doing that (but at least Zack did, too so I wasn't the only one)...went to my harp lesson (which went pretty well)....met Matt, Heather, Greg, Zack and a few other people for lunch...made plans with Heather to get ready for the dance....and then went to harp ensemble at 1. We only covered the Malaguena and the Passacaglia...but they sounded good...mostly dynamic contrasts are needed now...so then I had swim lessons again...I'm telling you....Savannah, Angela, Abby, Abigail, Ashlin, Kimberly, Julian, Allyson, Kia, and Carla are the cutest kids ever...If I wanted kids now...I'd want them...especially Ashlin...she's adorable...reminds me so much of my harp student, Ashley....anyways, rushed back home to shower and change....then met up with Heather....well we drove to Amber's house and headed over to the mall for a little last minute shopping...went back to Amber's house to change and get ready and arrived at the dance, fashionably late, at 9:30 :) So then I only stayed until about 10:30 and then met up with Matt when he got off from work...we headed to Martin's for some last minute shopping (yay for the Seagram's strawberry daiquiris...ahem non-alcoholic of course...ha ha...*wink wink cough cough*) and breakfast foods! So we started watching a movie...didn't last long....went to sleep instead....

Then Saturday...well we woke up around 12:30....Matt made breakfast...homemade pancakes (from an instant mix) ;), eggs, and toast...good stuff....we cleaned up the kitchen a bit...went shopping....relaxed for awhile, and then we made chicken parmasaen for dinner....it went...okay....ahem...but yeah....right now I'm just waiting for Matt to get off of work...hopefully Martin's is being nice to him for a change....I'm going to get going...I'll write more later! Lots of love!
~Jess

2002-10-02T19:31:00.000-04:00

Wow, it's been awhile since I've written...well I can blame it on Matt :) Ha ha...just kidding...Anyways, hmm...to start kinda from the beginning...

Sunday...not the best day...well not to start off with...I don't know what I was thinking but I played the COMPLETELY wrong glissando to open the Debussy IN THE CONCERT! But apparentely it didn't sound TOO bad...thank god...then my lesson really sucked...but I expected that since I really hadn't gotten much practicing done....Sunday night, lasagna at Matt's...a hour excursion to find The Shining...and then two and a half hours to prepare and bake the brownies (okay okay...that was all my fault)....

Monday...english was okay....missed an assignment that I had to make up but that's okay...I ended up getting high pass anyways....Then...Theory...ick...never fun...breakfast at the snack bar....incredibly good piano lesson for once...and I started teaching swim lessons....I'll explain that more thoroughly from today...and then orchestra...we played for the conducting students...that was different...and then dinner at Matt's... :) Yay for the ravioli and biscuits! :)

Tuesday...swimming....ACK! Water polo with Free Willy! :O It so sucks...I was playing on the team with Dave and Craig versus Matt, Matt (the lifeguard), and Stacy...first off, she played goalie the whole time (even though we didn't have goalies) and honestly she blocked the goal....Like of course, my aim REALLY sucks but I still probably would have done better (and been less stressed out) if she hadn't been blocking it the whole time...the one time she launched herself on top of me I was scared to death....but it was kinda funny...Lynn told me afterwards that she really thinks Stacy hates going underwater because when I jumped on her to get the ball when we both surfaced she looked ticked...and that's probably when she yanked me back under....but anyways...then theory again....we were REALLY late...but that's okay she didn't really seem to care...so again...breakfast....and then lots of shopping and traveling with Natalie....and last night....homework...then mac and cheese and Last of the Mohicans with Matt :)

Today....well started off with English...not too bad...in class essay (thank god I did the reading)...then theory....Michelle and I had a great time laughing at people today doing inversions...ick....then after that I ended up going to breakfast at the dining hall with Clayton and Michelle...that was fun..."Augment this!" (Ha ha ha)....then lunch with Matt, Heather, and Amber....got to hang out with Matt a little in my room (which I haven't seen in like years!) ;) Then I had swim lessons from 3:30-5:30...wow...that was interesting...my first class is decent...no one really stands out much...except a little blonde girl named Savannah who crawls along the wall saying, "I think I can, I think I can" like a mantra....then my second class....eeh...not so great...alot of brats in that class...except there's a cute little girl named Kelsey who will only jump off the wall into my arms...I love my last two classes though...in my third class I have a boy named Julian who has the world's cutest smile when he's happy, and Ashlin and Lindsey...two adorable girls (and Ashlin looks alot like my harp student, Ashley)...but yeah today we spent our half an hour gliding off the wall and/or jumping off the wall...the three of them took turns...and all three have the greatest smiles....it's a great feeling really...So then, finally my last class is interesting...there's a girl there, Heather, who is 11 and terrified of the water...she did a little better today...I can get her to float on her back as long as I give her a specific number to count to and I don't let go of her...and the other two girls...Allison and Carla...wow...Allison seems to be attached to me with ducttape...she has a thing for hugging me by wrapping her entire body around mine and squeezing REALLY hard...and then Carla does the same, but she's real ticklish so I can keep her off that way...but anyways, yeah that was fun....anyways, I need to get to my english homework before our hall meeting at 9:30....write more later...
~Jess

2002-09-29T01:20:00.000-04:00

Well it's almost 1 am and by the time I finish this it will probably be well past 1. But yeah, it's been another interesting day. I slept until about 11:30 and finally woke up when my cell phone rang...it was Audra :) So Kim and I got up, showered, and met her to go up to Target and get lunch at Wendy's. So when we got back we went to go see Audra's room at West Grace and again I ran into Princess Anne HS people...Kristen, Amber Morris, Elise, and Sean Fox!! And OMG, West Grace rooms are HUGE! They're for honor students and they are singles with their own showers and bathrooms attached. It's an old hospital that's been converted into a dorm..that's kinda disturbing but still...it's a nice BIG room! And of course Audra's is amazing looking...as always!

So then Kim and I walked back to Rhoades and on the way back a car stopped us and this guy kept trying to get our attention so I finally walked over to the car and took the flyer he was trying to hand to us because he kept saying, "I'm not going to do anything...I just want to give you something..." So it ended up being some flyer to an Indian dance club. I don't see how he thought Kim and I were Indian....but whatever...we were like..."umm....no"...

Anyways, we came back to the room and waited for awhile because Kim was waiting for her friend Joel to call because he was coming to visit her today. So we finally got in touch with him and gave him my cell number to call us when he got here. So Kim and I went over to Paul's dorm to meet up with Andrew, Megan, and Gabe. So we talked for awhile (I had my first s'mores poptart) ;) and after meeting up with Joel we went to eat dinner at Hibbs Dining Hall. The food was decent actually....yay fried chicken and mashed potatoes :) and ice cream...good stuff. So then...oh geez...I almost forgot...they made me start laughing...like REALLY laughing...those of you who know it, know what I'm talking about. Yay...in the middle of the dining hall...quite embarassing...to say the least.

Well I went back to the room, changed for the dance, and met up with my friend from PA for Homecoming. It was so nice...I love formal dances (and even semi-formal dances) SO MUCH!! I don't know what it is...I mean I love dancing, but they're always just soo...sweet. I can't describe it...I hope Shenandoah's is good next week....I still don't know for sure if I'm going to go, but I hope so...who knows...anyways, so we went back to the room for awhile and Megan and I actually fell asleep for about an hour and a half after changing clothes to go out clubbing. And Kim went out with Joel to get Baskin and Robbins. So Megan and I finally woke up....and we decided to go out to this place called Secrets. It was pretty sweet. Kinda scary to get there though....eesh...especially dressed the way we were. (When I have more time and am more awake I'll write about that experience...) But yeah I had ALOT of fun :) I love dancing...that must be what I like about dances...doesn't matter what, really...club dancing, dance dancing (yeah that made alot of sense, didn't it)...

So yeah, we're back now and watching The Princess Bride (such a classic!!). Originally we thought it was playing at this old fashioned "cinema" theater but it was actually showing Shrek in German...so we decided to come back and just watch it in their room. So that's what I'm up to right now...I need to get up around 7 tomorrow to be on the road by like 8 for dress rehearsal at 12:30. So just as a hint, if anyone would like to call me on the phone to keep me awake I'd be highly appreciative... :)

Hmmm...what else...eesh, I miss you, Matt! (I know you're always reading my journal so I can address you personally...) :) Ha ha...oh wait (ha ha)...and to keep in style with Vivian's journal with her IM conversation and e-mail entries...I thought I'd include the sweetest thing I've ever gotten.... :) except now I can't access my SU e-mail account and I don't want to try and summarize it because it's just not the same so I'll wait until I can get it....

Well...I'm reupdating it and here it is....hope you don't mind me posting it Matt... :) Actually...if you do mind...oh well :) Here goes...

< aww, thanks for the e-mail. i'm really really tired....i might actually get sleep tonight :-p . not that i mind or anything when i don't. anywho, yeah, i definitely miss you......hmmpf.....it really sucks, but it's ok. without having you near, is like life without air..........thanks for writing me. i have been thinking about you since the moment u left. be careful jess...i know you will. u are in my thoughts! i can't wait to see you!!! remind me to tell u of my dinner story tonight..hehehe...it's interesting.......hahaha, i mean (hahah) goodnight jessica. i miss you so very muchly.....muchly? yeah, it's a word :-p .
nightie night,
matt>>

But yeah, this weekend definitely turned out to be nothing like I expected...I originally had completely different plans to go home...now I feel like for the first time I actually am going home tomorrow...and by home I don't mean Virginia Beach...surprisingly, I mean Winchester and Shenandoah....I miss my friends, Natalie, Craig, Mary, etc...and especially Matt :) So really, I am going home tomorrow....*sniff sniff*...well that's my sentimental mush for the day...I'll write more later...love ya!
Jess

2002-09-26T20:21:00.000-04:00

Well...it's about 8:30 pm...and I decided I'd go ahead and update my blog again because I don't know when I'll get to it next...anyways, I'm over at Matt's house (let's hear it for the non-dining hall/home-cooked meal)...ha ha...and bowling is on the agenda for tonight...lord help me...let's see how bad I can do this time ;) Ha ha...Well, I woke up from my nap earlier...went to orchestra...practiced awhile...that's about it...sleep is good....

Anyways, it's a day later that I'm editing this but that's okay...yeah went bowling for two games...the first game sucked...as usual...I think I maybe broke 30 or 40....anyways, the second game I heard the advice to aim for the arrows (that's the first time anyone has ever told me that...) and I did alot better...I don't remember my score but it was definitely an improvement...and the best part was....ha ha it seemed like whenever Matt would bet that he'd do something if I got a spare or a strike, I did ALOT better...ha ha....but yeah...ended up spending the night at Matt's....skipped English Comp....came back, showered, packed, and met Julie for a quick harp ensemble rehearsal...then left to go see my friends at VCU!!!

Well I got into VCU around 5:30 last night...but I accidentally wrote Megan's number down wrong...so I didn't have it....so I got in touch with Steve (who after getting me completely lost, found me and helped me with carrying all my stuff) so we still couldn't get in touch with Megan, so I followed Steve and his friend down to the gym. They worked out for an hour and I slept on a nearby chair...so you know, I was happy...sleep and all ;) So then I finally called Natalie, asked her to get online, and got the right number. So because I'm not stupid and won't walk around this campus by myself I waited for Steve to finish up and then we went over to Megan's dorm. I also got to meet her roommate Kim who is so awesome! (Yay for another short Asian!) OMG, VCU is huge! Her dorm is like one of 4 freshman dorms...and it has 17 floors!!! And all the dorms have these security desks at the front where the RA's sit. You have to swipe your card to get in and show it to the front desk. For me to get in, I had to be signed in with one of their cards and I had to turn in my military ID. It's quite a change from SU.

But yeah, we talked for awhile and then walked over to their student commons area for dinner. Well this building is like roughly the size of Ruebush doubled....yeah pretty big. And their meal plan is interesting...they can get as much food as they can for $5 at the snack bar and then whatever goes over is paid for by their cards. Their cards are student IDS and Wachovia banking cards...(the college doesn't want people carrying cash on them...for obvious reasons in Richmond). So I had some really good onion rings :) and a slice of pizza and met some of Megan's friends. Then surprise surprise...saw a few people I knew from high school....Kevin Harris and Dave Alinea (that was such a shock....I haven't seen Dave since 8th grade!!!), Trista Barrow! (oceanography memories forever!) and of course Megan's boyfriend, Andrew....he's the coolest.

Anyways, after we ate we decided that we were all kinda too tired to go out clubbing...so we walked back to Andrew's friend, Paul's rooms to watch Resident Evil. Pretty good movie....still scary as anything....I watched more of it this time at least...ate kettle corn :) good stuff...and walked back to her room around 2....the guys walked us back because VCU is scary at night...especially Monroe Park which we have to walk around...so we got back, watched a Dane Cook special on Comedy Central, and went to sleep....

We just woke up around 11:30 and are trying to figure out what to do today...so I'll write more later! Love ya!
Jess

2002-09-26T11:28:00.000-04:00

Wow, Viv...just read your blog...talk about feeling inferior....Your writing is amazing...and somehow, alot of the times you seem to be feeling what I feel....ick...must be the Asian thing ;) Ha ha. I have to say I miss VA Beach and all of you guys! It's not cool being the only English speaking Asian...or at least the only one that scary construction workers at Sheetz see. (Oh for all of you..."city folk"...Sheetz is the equivalent of our WaWa...)

Oh on the topic of city things...I am confused and need clarification...I think I'm beginning to pick up Melissa's chawcalate/hot dawg accent... ;) The word crayon...is it pronounced Cray-On...Crown...or Cran...I think I've always said Cran (kinda like the beginning of cranberry)...but apparentely that's not right...confusion....and drawer....Melly (ha ha), I think I say it like you now...I just say draw...kinda accent the end but not really...is it really draw-Er....hmmm...lot to think about ;) Can you tell I'm bored...I'm discussing word pronunciation...

Oh...and Lynn called...I start swim lessons on Monday....that should be fun to teach....I kinda hope I don't get real young kids though...my patience isn't that great...as some of you know, (ahem IHOP...screaming kids...me, Cristina, and Chela)...Waanck!!

Anyways, hmm...yesterday....trying to remember since I didn't write... Umm...finally turned in my english paper (THANK GOD IT'S OVER!!), skipped theory to sleep (YAY for the 100 on my theory test!), went to lunch with Mary and met up with Matt and Craig...and did laundry...boy fun-filled day I know...ha ha...but yeah actually laundry was the highlight of the day...Met a new guy named Leland...sophomore commercial music major...he was studying something for class on one of the washers and Michelle and I were talking on another one...well he had put his sneakers into the dryer and I guess it was too much for it because it kept slamming against the door and opening it. The first time it happened we all jumped and ducked...but eventually, it just became a funny and amusing way to pass the time until this international student got knocked in the head by a flying shoe...wow...fun times in the Gore laundry room....

Then...let's see...went shopping with Natalie at Martin's....yay for the self-service check out line...ha ha...and groundhogs!! :) Umm...finished up my theory homework at Matt's....watched Top Gun! (Woo-hoo Maverick!)...or at least part of Maverick...and pretty much straightened things out with GSA people...well not really...with Scott at least...and if any of my friends read this...please...we've settled things...so if you want to talk...let's talk about something else, huh? Sounds good to me...

Then today...umm...swimming bright and early....(how's the turns, Matt? :) )argh...lost a sprint race to Matt and Craig...but got back in the butterfly sprint back ;) (sorry Craig...) ;)...and I'm determined to convince them to race a long distance event Tuesday...that should be....fun ;) Next...theory...ick...didn't do much but review....oh and sightsing...ha ha...let's hear it for the trio, Zack, Craig, and Greg...way to go! :) Show up those musical theatre and vocal majors! Ha ha...good times...Then...snack bar breakfast as usual...and now...hmm...practicing with Julie later...and finally, orchestra...and then woo-hoo...I'm done! Yay! :)

And for the good news...this weekend I'm going to VCU!!! I can't wait to see you all: Megan (yay for the reunion of the violin and harp and the impossible piece!), Audra (well it's one flute and a harp....and internet cafes!), Steve (yay you've got a Starbucks!!), Randall (boy do WE need to talk!! ;) ), Sharon (guys aren't cool!), Jess...come on down from UR! (guys are evil!)...good times...GSA reunion! And yes, we've got to go clubbing! :) Ha ha...wow...that'd be interesting...Then Sunday is our orchestra concert....still not sure when I'm going to VCU...Friday or Saturday....hmm....still need to have an oil change before I go...I think...I don't know anything about cars...I'll find out later...Anyways, I'm on my way to the newspaper office...so I'll write more later! :) Love ya!
~Jess

2002-09-24T18:39:00.000-04:00

Well, today has been interesting...decent though which is a change. Let's see I slept through swimming (sorry I missed such a fun game of water polo...I'm sure you guys loved it...ha ha)...then went to theory. Grrr... sightsinging is evil. We have to sing in front of the class individually on Thursday...thank god she's letting instrumentalists go first. Hopefully Greg will actually be listening to Dr. Rendler this time...("Do....umm.....do") :) Ha ha...j/k...

Anyways, after class I went to breakfast with Greg and Craig. (Yay for the Waffle House!) Yeah...that moron joke...wow...corny....but Greg's quote...regarding water polo is a classic...it might even find its way onto my profile. "That's not fair...whales shouldn't be allowed to play...they're too good in the water..." Anyways, went to the post office with them and than back to the dorms.

I had my percussion lesson today...I actually did REALLY well (surprisingly enough) since I hadn't practiced in forever...and finished up my english paper...ick...but yeah for the stupid moment of the day....

Mary and I went over to the gym to turn in our field hockey gear and then I asked her to go to Martin's to pick up some groceries. Well I had decided earlier to write Matt a note and leave it on his windshield since he's been so concerned about me and I want to do something nice for him. Well, so we found his car and his window was open. So I decided to put the note inside. Well when I slipped it through the window...it kinda fell onto the floor. So I decided to try and get it back onto the seat...so I took a book first...and then a rolled up bamboo mat to try and push it back on. Well it took awhile but it worked finally. So Mary and I walked into the store cause I did have some shopping to do. Well I guess she saw him sitting outside (I didn't) and she didn't think he had seen us. So when I finally got into Matt's line...guess what?...Yeah he saw me...great...it's always good to look stupid...eesh...

Well I'm gonna finish eating and then get to harp ensemble...I'll talk to you later.
~Jess

2002-09-23T22:51:00.000-04:00

Well this is the second time I'm writing this since the first was erased accidentally...I can't try to repeat it all so I'm just going to post two poems that describe it all. The first is from Pablo Neruda's, "Twenty Love Sonnets and A Song of Despair". Of course, it's written from a guy's point of view...but switch around the guy and girl and it works. So here goes:

"Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, and sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her."

And really...to make it all very clear...from past experiences to present (as Jason says...) Emily Dickinson is the best...the story of my life...she even has the number right:

"My life closed twice before its close-
It yet remains to see
If Immortality unveil
A third event to me

So huge, so hopeless to conceive
As these that twice befell.
Parting is all we know of heaven,
And all we need of hell."

So for now, that's all the thinking I can do...this is hopeless...all I can do is pray that tomorrow is better because today is unbearable. Goodnight.

2002-09-23T12:28:00.000-04:00

Well, I don't even know where to begin. I guess I'll just start back earlier since it's been awhile since I've written. Friday I had my lesson (which went pretty well...although I need to get my solo under control for our harp ensemble recital). Later I ahem...went on what I thought would be a short hike...ha...Wow that was a wake up call to tell me that I was REALLY not in shape. I went and saw the jazz ensemble concert in the evening...Craig and Zack (you guys sounded awesome!) Oh and later, I saw Van Wilder...I'd never seen that before...it was really funny. I'm still working on that damn english paper....it's a very "abstract" topic...

Then this weekend was Family weekend so on Sunday, Susan and my parents came up to visit. That was pretty cool. We ended up going to see the Apple Harvest fair thing and driving around old town Winchester. So then I showed them around campus (took about 5 minutes). We went to the wind ensemble concert (the vibe shadow was awesome!) and saw the orchestra play Mussourgsky's Pictures at an Exhibition (and Matt, your solo was amazing) and that sounded pretty good. Couple little things here and there, but overall, damn impressive. Then Susan and my parents left and I had a little time to work on my paper before harp ensemble practice. So I had that for two hours...I was going to go practice but it was WAY too cold in there so I headed back to the dorms. Although I didn't realize it was raining so that kinda made the cold worse.

Anyways, now for the main thing. It's official. I give up. I swear...there is something with me and the number 4. It's just not going to happen. Last night was a repeat of February 16th all over again. Except this time, I wasn't expecting it...god, I had no clue. At least last time, there were hints...I knew something was wrong. Talk about unexpected. I don't even know what to do right now...I'm so confused. I've spent the morning taking things down in my room because there are things I just can't look at right now. I wish that all my friends were here, I miss them so much. And I can't lean on Matt Gile for our "traditional" Olive Garden trip. I feel so incredibly alone despite the fact that I do have quite a few friends here. And, last night just made the solitude so much real. Honestly, sometimes that was what kept me going. Knowing what I had back home and counting the days until I'd be able to see him again. And now, I don't want to go back. Even the appeal of seeing GSA is lessened because it has too many memories. I mean, really I do understand because I know the feelings. But I really thought there was something more there this time...it really did seem that way. And now it just seems like the past month has been a joke to everyone but me. Am I really that stupid? How do I always get myself into these things? I didn't see it coming and really, it hasn't sunk in yet. I mean, of course I've cried...but it hasn't really occurred to me that we're not together anymore. I wonder when it will...and I just hope that when it does, I'm alone...And you know, I want to hate him like I did for so long with Christian. But I can't...it's different. There are so many circumstances surrounding this relationship compared to that one. So many memories...even things that are so recent. My dreams have been so real to me because they were based on things that had really happened. I'm sitting here looking at this card that I was going to give to him in 4 days. I feel so stupid...I sat and wrote this whole paragraph about how I thought this separation was hard but it had made things stronger. I guess I was wrong...I guess I'm not the type of person who long-distance relationships were made for. Or for that matter, at this point long-term relationships in general. The thing that keeps going through my head is how stupid could I have been to believe that this would be different. I should have known better. God, I was so sure that it would work...that things were stronger because it wasn't all about the physical aspect anymore because we weren't together. Ha, and I'm expected to believe that it has nothing to do with physical attractiveness. That's a joke. Honest to god...I give up. I will NOT go through this anymore. I'm tired of it all and I don't want to feel this way anymore. I've cried enough...for all it's worth, I really loved him...more so than anyone ever. But if this is the eventual price to feel that good for awhile, it's not worth it. It really isn't....So enough complaining...I just need to think...I will write more later.

2002-09-19T23:06:00.000-04:00

Hmm...wow...boring day. Let's see today...swimming, decent. I REALLY didn't feel like getting up this morning but I decided to be nice to my carpool friends and show up. So I slept on the pool deck for about ten minutes...then swam. Today was decent, I swam roughly a 1750...nothing compared to an ODAC practice but it's getting better. Umm, went to try on the world's UGLIEST dress for SU orchestra. Eesh, it's depressing it's so ugly...almost makes me want to be a guy so I could wear a tux...I said almost...Then theory...amazingly boring. We started a new chapter...but ended up digressing back into the old one. Oh well. No more until Monday.

I went to breakfast at the snack bar with Craig and we met up with Matt and Zack. Went to the newspaper office but Cathy wasn't there, so I don't have a new assignment. Came back to Cooley and decided that I didn't have anything better to do for four hours so I took a GREAT long four hour nap! :) I REALLY needed that. Anyways, woke up and spent the next hour and a half in the laundry room at Racey...three loads later and the rest of my trashy romance novel, I was done.

I ate dinner and have been sitting aimlessly at this computer attempting to write my stupid english paper...it's not going too well. But oh well, I guess I should get back to it...more to come.

2002-09-18T22:54:00.000-04:00

Well, my night of anticipated rest and sleep turned more into the caffeine induced "let's-let-ALL-of-my-emotions-and-feelings-out" night. But many thanks to four certain people...first of all, Scott...thanks for just listening and being your usual sweet self :) (homework aside... ;) ) I love you!....Steve, thanks, as usual for listening. Your advice is always astounding... :) Amber, as always...what would we do without the cell phones?!? (and of course you'll never see this probably because you don't have internet access) and finally...to my best friend in the whole world (even though you live FAR away in Seattle!)...Matt, thanks for everything...as usual, you listen without passing judgment and for hours on end as well :)

Anyways to get back to the rest of the day...finished some homework for English composition, ate dinner, and started watching Top Gun. However, Natalie and I kinda fell asleep for awhile...then Matt woke me up via IM so here I am again...been talking to people since about 8:30 and thanks to a large cup of coffee I'm not tired anymore. Anyways, lots of things resolved tonight...good :) Ttyl...lots of love...

2002-09-18T15:52:00.000-04:00

Well...it's been another slow day....not much happening...hmmm. Let's see...last night. I went to Martin's with Mary Alice for some grocery shopping. We also stopped by the mall...eesh, talk about depressing. There's NOTHING there! It's completely bare! (hey that rhymed...sorry unintentional). Came back...cheered myself up with a Lean-pocket (yay chicken parmasaen) and started watching Top Gun...yeah I didn't finish that, oh well. Went to Chili's for a paradise pie! :) Watched Whose Line Is It Anyway? (love that show) and then I saw, for the first time, those WB shows: Elimidate, Blind Date, and Change of Heart. Okay, rant and rave time. What the hell kinda idiot goes on one of those shows?!? And what kinda judgement do they have? Okay, the girl the guy eliminated was clearly the prettiest, most intelligent, and least slutty. So of course that must have been his natural choice for elimination.Grrr....stupid stupid stupid. Anyways, got back kinda late...decided to not study for Theory and went to sleep....

This morning...8 am English called...and we have a pretty cool paper to write for next week. The problem is I can't narrow down my topic sufficiently....again, calls for a grrr....but then, our theory test. Ha! What a joke?!? It was so easy! (Of course, now that means I'm going to fail it) but still...I was surprised at how easy it was. Anyways, went to lunch with Mary Alice and Matt (cheesesteak sub was decent...but it'll be awhile before I get it again...) Came back, attempted to write my paper...or at least start it. Then I tried to sleep for awhile...that REALLY didn't work. So I kept writing...and eventually decided to just take a break and meet Craig at the snack bar. So I just got back from there (oh and I turned in my time card...yay for money!) and now I'm debating what to do. I know...I cannot let my evil computer suck me back into playing Snood. God that game is addictive! If you don't know what it is...good...don't find out, it is only bad times ahead! :) Anyways, I'll write more later...going to play that god-awful game....I know I know...I can't help it :) All my love!

2002-09-17T11:57:00.000-04:00

Oh...almost forgot to add...INCREDIBLY productive run to Target last night!! :) I am now a proud new owner of a "Brew-and-Go" coffeemaker...it's so cute! It makes my coffee for me in this nice convenient little travel mug! Good times...oh and can't forget...I FINALLY bought the movie Top Gun on sale for like 6$!! :) Now that goes REAL nicely with my Tom Cruise poster...and btw...did you all know that you can buy 15 watt light bulbs? I didn't know that...everyday is a learning experience ;) Well enough for now...bye!

2002-09-17T11:50:00.000-04:00

Again...gotta love those slow Tuesdays. Not much going on...I only had swimming this morning (yay, no theory until Thursday!!) and I've pretty much just been working at the paper proofreading. I have a percussion lesson later that I REALLY need to practice for but other than that...today's goal: Laundry...unfortunately. That will end up being a large chunk of my afternoon.

Other than that...let's see...parents weekend is in three days...talk about major cleaning!! Eesh...oh and english homework...that's always fun. Ha! And I get to negotiate for a pretty nice-paying job at Gettysburg College in December. Oh and a mall shop and a grocery run for Hot-pockets and bread! :) Anyways, lunch is debatable right now...but who knows...I'll write more tonight. Love ya!
~Jess

2002-09-16T12:30:00.000-04:00

Well things have finally calmed down a bit and I have some time to write again...wow talk about a weekend. Well I guess I should start from the beginning...Friday afternoon, Donna, Cristina and I left for VA Beach. Except for some I-64 tunnel traffic we made the drive rather quickly. Unfortunately we missed the GSA first shift students. But we went anyways and I got to see Mr. P., Mr. Walker, Mrs. Watters, and Ms. Barnes...as well as the whole class load of new kids from theory 1 and my friends from theory 2 (Hey Josh, Seth, Katy, Lindsay, Alex, Jameka, and Nikki! [Did I leave anyone out?]) Then I drove and picked up Scott (I love you!)...our "fantastic" hour date consisted of dropping off Donna and Cristina and turning around and heading back into Norfolk. So that was slightly depressing...I wish I could have seen him longer because I now have long days in front of me. Anyways, Saturday and Sunday spent time with my surfing friends! (To all my "brothers": lots of love...always and forever!) Also, saw my parents, went shopping, and saw my dogs! (*sniff sniff* I miss them!)

Then Sunday...geez start the drama right there. Well first off, me being the idiot I am, left my phone charger at SU. And of course since I use my phone habitually, the phone died early Saturday morning. And of course, despite me asking repeatedly for phone numbers and addresses for the people I needed to drive home, I never got them. So, yeah, I had no way of getting in touch with them and a rehearsal at 4 on Sunday so unfortunately, I had to leave. Of course, they're all pissed at me now...but you know what?...I felt really bad about it (and I still do) but if they want to act childish about it and blame me when it's just as much their fault...oh well...they can go right on ahead and do that...but anyways...yeah then last night...actually watched almost the entire Steelers and Raiders game...surprising I know...granted, I can't tell you anything about the game except that the Raiders won and someone from their team had an amazing touchdown. But yeah, the rest of the night...confusing as hell...people thought I was lost or missing....lord...but yeah...today is a good day to sort things out...or at least attempt to. So I'm off to lunch now...I'll write more later....All my love.

2002-09-12T13:55:00.000-04:00

Hey...well ONE day to VA Beach! (Can you tell I'm excited?) Anyways, it's been a pretty good day. Again, started off with my 8 AM swimming class. Although I'm starting to enjoy that class alot...It's fun talking to Craig and Matt. Oh and splashing Matt before he has the chance to "get used to the water." Anyways, yeah that was an hour...actually got to theory on time for once...(surprisingly enough) and ick...today was actually worse than most. I don't know I guess we were talking too much for her or something like that. Anyways, we don't have her again until Wednesday when we have our first test (oh boy). So that's good.

So then yeah, went to the snack bar for breakfast with Craig and we saw Matt there so we sat with him. Good times...interesting conversations and a odd game of foil football, soccer, "throw it as hard as you can at the opposite side"....Anyways, then I went over to the Sun office to get my time card information. I also stopped to talk to the SGA President for awhile. Got back to the room, got distracted by a hotpocket, and watched "Center Stage" with some friends.

Anyways, I have orchestra and harp ensemble later and then I have to start packing up stuff for tomorrow and getting stuff ready for the trip (gas in the car, road trip snacks, etc...) So I'll write more later.

2002-09-11T19:18:00.000-04:00

Just took Cristina's quiz...guess what I am...

What's *Your* Sex Sign?

I can't believe I got my actual astrological sign...but it fits though....well mostly. But yeah it pretty much sounds like me...yeah interesting thing to read....ahem...more later...
Jess

2002-09-11T18:47:00.000-04:00

Well, it's been an easy day. Kinda sad and reflective, too. Yeah, I woke up at 6:30, punched the snooze button 3 or 4 times and woke up around 7:15. I had my english class at 8 and we went over our papers for the second revision. Then I went to my "favorite class" (note the sarcasm), music theory and failed a terms quiz with the rest of the class. See, our teacher kinda messed up the quiz and left things off of it that were pretty essential to it. So yeah, we all sucked at that.

Then let's see...checked the mail and did my laundry...fun afternoon, huh? Ha...well I also went to lunch with Mary Alice and we met up there with Natalie. Avoided the scary soft serve machine that was threatening to explode whenever someone walked by it. Then I went and did laundry...and got really ticked off at some guy who used all the dryers and then left his clothes in there and like 25 minutes went by and he still hadn't come so I took all his clothes and crammed them into one dryer and used the other ones. His problem...not mine.

Well when I got back Natalie and I decided to do some serious cleaning...that took awhile...and then I got creative and started decorating again. But it's cool...my room is alot more personal now which is the way I like it. Looks almost like a VA Beach room...not quite but kinda...just need to get the surfboard and I'll be set ;) Ha...(god I can't wait to get back to the oceanfront!!!)...Two more days......

Anyways, for dinner, I went with Mary Alice down to the picnic that was hosted by the Student Gov't Association for the SU campus as well as the local fire, rescue, and police squads. So that was nice. The food was actually REALLY good, for once...ahem. But yeah, on that note (well the whole Sept. 11th thing, not the unusually good food)...the TV coverage was actually good today. I liked the fact that most main stations delayed programming until 10:30...and almost all commercials were somewhat related and not just more examples of capitalism.

But it's hard to believe a year has passed. Since I actually never wrote down the details I'll do it now. I remember the day so well. I was sitting in front of Keith in Mr. Delaney's AP Psychology class. We had just taken a "quiz" that showed us how people use wording effects to get the results they want in public surveys. And one of the questions was, "What is the biggest threat facing the U.S. today?" And it was a fill-in the blank question. And I remember thinking about all the religious issues going on these days (not Muslim in particular, but all of them) and so I wrote religious conflicts. Well Mr. Delaney tallied the answers and most people had said pollution. Well about a minute later, Mr. Hammje walked in for like the second time and Mr. Delaney went out into the hall with him. So when he came in he was like, "well you all think pollution is the biggest problem but this might change your mind a bit". And turned on the TV. Well when we saw the flaming building we all thought he was joking. And it took awhile to sink in as a reality. But as we watched the second plane fly into the building and later watched the first tower collapse it became all to real. Keith got upset because of his father's tendency to be at the Pentagon and it was just a very emotional time. Towards the end of the bell our principal made an announcement to everyone about what was going on and encouraged teachers to turn on their TV's. So after the class let out, I ended up taking Amber, Cristina, and Chela out to lunch. And we were all so depressed and convinced that the world was ending that we went to the most expensive gourmet restaurant and spent SO much money! We had the best sandwiches, drinks, desserts, etc. And then as we drove to NSU for GSA in silence, we just listened to the local news stations broadcasts. When we dropped Cristina off for the bus it almost seemed like we were saying goodbye forever. GSA in general was incredibly subdued and no one really knew what to do or say. Going home, on the road, I saw that almost every car on the road had no music playing...everyone was tuned into the different news radio stations and there were alot of people crying. So I got home and continued to watch CNN with my mother until my father finally came home from Norfolk Navy base around 10 PM.

Well, I don't know why I just wrote all that down...sorry to bore you and sorry this wasn't more uplifting, but it's kinda nice to finally get it all out. Anyways, I'm gonna go do my theory homework...I'll either write more tonight (if something interesting happens) or tomorrow. 2 more days!! I can't wait!! Love you all (and especially someone in particular...you know who you are) ;)
Jess

2002-09-10T21:28:00.000-04:00

Woo-hoo...it's 9:30 and I'm done with homework. Well kinda, but I'll finish it soon enough. Anyways, field hockey practice was pretty tiring but it's fun. We drew secret pals today so I've got to start looking for stuff for her tomorrow. Then afterwards Mary Alice came with me to go "exploring" for food in Winchester. So yes, half an hour later and chinese food and a Martin's grocery bag we got back. So yeah, that's always good stuff. :) Long live beef lo mein!!

Well, not much is new...preparing to start cleaning my room and doing laundry tomorrow. Then finally, start packing for my trip back to VA Beach! I can't wait...clubbing Saturday night and (hopefully) seeing Scott Friday night. Can't ask for more...well actually it'd be nice to see my best friend Matt, but since he lives in Seattle, it's a lot to ask for. So I'll be happy with what I get. But I should probably at least LOOK at my stupid theory terms for tempo...so until tomorrow, ciao! :) Love always!
~Jess

2002-09-10T13:04:00.000-04:00

Anyways, it's been an interesting morning (afternoon, I guess). Well, I gave up on theory last night...read for awhile and went to sleep. I got up this morning for swimming...all in all, not too bad. I like the class and the teacher...it's just too early. Did the whole carpool thing with Craig and Matt...good times...blame it on the piano version of Mussourgsky's, "Picture at an Exhibition". Hence...late to theory...but it's all good, our teacher wasn't there yet. Had that class, made an idiot out of myself by not paying attention to what I was answering. Yes, Yes...now I know it's 3/2 damnit!!

Well, got out of that and went to the newspaper office to do my work study time. We're doing a special Sept. 11th issue and I had to do some proofreading before the paper went to print. It's kinda cool seeing my name as a byline ;) Woo-hoo! Anyways, came back to the room, debated starting my english paper, and unfortunately, Step by Step and a Lean Pocket won out. Oh well...

So yes, in an hour I have yet another percussion lesson that I am terrifically unprepared for...God help me...and I'm still waiting for my "Grandma" package (good cookies!...YES!) and debating the field hockey issue. We're all starting to get hurt...and as a performance major, that's REALLY NOT a good thing. But we'll see I guess...at 5 pm if I'm online...then obviously, I decided not to go.

Anyways, again, it's now three more days until I get to go home to VA Beach! (YAY!) It should be a fun trip, too :) Ha ha. And of course, the highlights will be GSA and the Saturday night outing of the SU crowd ;) Oh boy...but I'm gonna get going and head down to the percussion suite and attempt to look like I know what I'm doing when my professor gets there at 2. I'll write more later. Love always...

2002-09-09T23:17:00.000-04:00

Well, it's getting kinda late and I'm still procrastinating on my music theory homework. I got this idea from Vivian and of course, stole it :) and it's keeping me quite busy. Anyways, theory sucks...enough said. So I decided to start this journal thing and since my roommate has a scanner eventually it'll get pictures, too. But, I'm just sitting here, ignoring my theory homework, sipping a Fresca, and listening to the soundtrack from, "A Walk To Remember" *sniff sniff*...

English was okay today. I like the class...and most of the people, including the foreign girl who pronounces the word, "comma" as "karma"...I don't understand it but it's funny to hear. Orchestra was good as usual...our pieces are coming ALONG amazingly well. And lessons were decent again...but the highlight of today was a poster sale in Wilkins Student Center (yeah it's sad when I get excited about something as simple as that). But yes, bought a *HOT* poster of Tom Cruise...Top Gun forever! :)

And yeah, a day after turning 18 I don't feel ANY different. The "mature" thing I did today was sign up for a bonus card at Martin's grocery store to save myself money. Granted, I had to be 18 to be able to sign up for one...but still...wow...no thrills there. And since yeah, I don't smoke and there are no decent clubs in Winchester, I'm stuck with just knowing I'm 18...talk about excitement. Ha.

On happier notes, I have four more days (and in an hour it'll be 3) until I get to go home again and see my boyfriend (hopefully)! (I love you, Scott!) And it'll be nice to get good food again! :) Honestly, I never thought I'd miss my mom's cooking until now. But I'm talking to a friend who might be able to help me with the theory homework so I guess I should get going. Hope this was entertaining enough for a first entry...probably not, but too bad...you wasted your own time by reading it...that's not my fault now, is it? (Of course, if you're Scott and reading this...everything is my fault :) but the rest of you have no excuse) :)

Anyways, e-mail me at jfrost@su.edu and I'll talk to you later! Lots of love!
~Jess